Every year thousands of young aspiring architects travel through Spain and as sure as the diagonal meets the sea (finally) they wind up in Barcelona. They get lost in the Gothic Quarter, they marvel at Cerda’s grid, they navigate the city efficiently and easily. Then the rest of us hear about it for The-Rest-Of-Our-Goddamn-Lives.
If you, your design tutor or someone close to you has studied in Barcelona and you are sick of hearing about it then fret not! Help is here in the form of the Twelve Step Program. Just take your cult member aside, sit them down and explain, in a quiet soothing tone, with a lisp if needs be and inform them that they have a problem. Follow the steps below to purge the unholy urbanity from their soul.
The Twelve Step Program to a Barcelona Free Life:
01. Admit that you are powerless over Barcelona. You are Barcelona’s bitch.
02. Admit that only a higher order, can restore you to sanity. We do not know what this order may be, however, Corinthian is a safe bet.
03. Attempt to make amends with those who may have been have been affected by your obsession.
04. Give away hand drawing entirely, throw away your 0.1 Rotring, stop writing the letter ‘S’ as a 45° diagonal line.
05. Acknowledge that other cities have merit with regards: scale, grid, ring roads.
06. Make a list of these cities. Sketch them. Map their transport infrastructure. Make your peace with their woefully under-utilised Olympic Legacy.
07. Repeat four hundred times: ‘She sells sea shells by the sea shore’ in order to abolish the lithp.
08. Throw away your bandana.
09. Denounce colourful, decorative mosiac tiling as the golden calf that it so obviously is.
10. Use your pile of El Croquis magazines as toilet paper. (Yeah, I know that El Croquis is more of a Madrid thing, but those two cities are in cahoots. Cahoots!)
11. Visit Canberrra. Here in the land of the roundabout you will be free of all references to the grid, the gothic quarter and the pedestrian.
12. Clean of Barcelona, go forth and carry the message to all other Barceholics and practice these principles in all your affairs.
Upon successfully following these steps they should be free of the harmful effects of Barcelona and ready to live in and enjoy the rich cornucopia of urbanised bits of land around the globe.